Hold the Phone-y Baloney!

I get a call during my lunch on a Tuesday afternoon which I choose to ignore since it’s from a number I don’t recognize. I also ignore the second call from the same number minutes later, and the message that was left, I decided, until I'm at least done eating. But the third phone call gets the better of my curiosity and I answer, thinking this person has called me three times in a row. Maybe it's important.

Wrong.

The voice says “hi, it’s “Brian”, from the bar.” I am now scrambling my brain to try and remember who he is and I have to be honest the name’s not ringing a bell. So I decide to engage him in some conversation to listen to the voice and see if a picture pops into my head.

Oh does it ever.

I remember this guy because he was bugging the HELL out of me while I was trying to hit on someone else. (Who I have already blogged about so don’t get too excited) I remember Brian for a few different reasons.
A. He has the most piercing blue eyes I have ever seen in my life, and being a sucker for blue eyes I can’t help but notice. That’s where the good part ends.
B. He’s very skinny, leathery and looks like he knows his way around a crack pipe
C. He made reference to how much he likes “chubby girls” while waggling his tongue at me which apparently was supposed to be some sort of sign that he's generous and perhaps even good at oral sex

I quickly throw him a card with my number (yes, my real number) in an attempt to get him to go away so I can continue working on my next victim. The problem is then when he calls and I answer, he’s nice. He talks about his job and his family and how much he adores all three of his daughters, which he tells me, are all on the larger size. Damn, I’m a jerk. He ends the call asking me if I would mind if he calls me again in a few days. How could I say no?

A few days later, true to his word, he calls. Talks a little more about his life, asks about mine and towards the end of the phone call asks if I’m going to be at the bar that Friday so we can get to know each other a little better. I let him know that I couldn’t make it that Friday but I would definitely be there the next Friday after that. He says great, he can’t wait to see me again and tells me he’ll call me again in a couple of days.

Except that he doesn’t. Nothing, poof, gone. WTH? Seriously? This guy wasn’t even my type but since he was nice I decided to not judge the book by its cover. I mean after all I am certainly not the specimen of womanly perfection by any means but for some old, wrinkly, God only knows if he even had all of his frickin teeth in his head jackass to just drop me like a hot potato. Well that is certainly a blast to the ol ego.

I will admit at this point I haven’t been back to the bar. I don’t know if I want to. I don’t want to hear some lame excuse of this or that. We all have issues, and at this point I’m not interested in his. Or any one else’s for that matter. Quite frankly I give up! Kate really does hate dates. This my friends, just might be the death of my blog.

Who's Your Daddy? Ummm, Yeah, Not You.

I am not a rich woman. I work for what I have like everyone else. Most days I like my life, my job, my car and the roof over my head. But then there are those “other” days. The days I wonder what it would be like to live the “good” life. What IS it like down on Easy Street?

I decided that I had enough of hearing the excuses of the “common man” on all the regular dating websites. Tired of the unemployed, under paid and just plain broke ass men telling me why they can’t take me here or there, asking me to split the check when they did or just plain dashing out on the bill all together.

I had heard rumors that there was a website exclusively for “Sugar Daddies” and the women interested in getting one. Well if that didn’t have my name written all over it then I don’t know what does. I put up my profile and it doesn’t take long before “Donald” sends me an email asking to take me out. I tell him to meet me at a place that I had been dying to try.

He shows up and he’s just…….. eh. Not really my type but he did drive an awful long way to meet me so I decided to put the lack of attraction aside and hope that his personality is going to win me over.

Nope, not even close.

He decides the best topic of conversation would be his ex. Who is a stripper. Seriously? (On a side note please tell me how you go from a hot skinny blonde who can shake it with the best of them to well, ummm, me.) He tells me of how he would woo her with jewelry and that his jeweler knew exactly how to make the fake stuff look completely real and how the ex was none the wiser. Wow. Guess I know what NOT to put on my Christmas list.

The evening wears on; we check out a band and have a few drinks. Certainly not the worst date I have ever had and since I know I’m not going to have to foot the bill I’m good with the whole thing but I’m certainly not interested in a second date and from the vibes I’m getting I think it’s a mutual feeling. So man was I surprised when at the end of the date he goes for the goodnight kiss and asks if I want to head to a hotel with him because with all of the women he has had long term relationships with they slept together on the first date.

Wait for it…… wait for it…….

BBBBBWWWWWAAAAAAAAA HHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAA HHHHHHHHAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Do chicks really fall for this crap? Just because you’ve got a few more dollars to spend on a date than the average man you think I’m going to just hop into bed with you? Um sorry, your last romantic encounter might have been with someone who had relationships for money but that is NOT the case with me.

After I’m done laughing in his face I tell him I’ll pass and happily go home ALONE. Maybe I’m crazy but after that I decided that I would much rather be with a blue collar man that works as hard as I do for everything he has. Besides, these kinds of men may not have a lot of money but they are usually not afraid to work hard to please a woman. That’s worth a cheap date anytime if you ask me.