If I really stop to think about it, if I really go back and dust off the corners of my mind, I would have to say that I have never liked dating. I don’t like the stress. The wondering if he will call, the trying to remember if I have already worn this outfit, the questioning myself “when he meets my crazy family is he going to run away screaming “and of course why are all the idiots attracted to me? Take this story for example…
I go back to my time in school and the lazy days of summer where every year I looked forward to going to summer camp. This one particular year a new family had moved into town and their sons would be off to summer camp with the rest of us.
Now “Bubba” all on his own was not tragic, but when you put him together with his two brothers they gave off a weird vibe. Like, if you were to ever make out with one of them the other two would be in the closet watching. Maybe they would just giggle and whisper to one another but more likely they would be in there whacking off. In any instance, I wasn’t going to go there. Unfortunately for me, the rumor was that Bubba had a crush on me. I avoided him as much as I could but when we took the trip to camp, things took a turn.
Apparently Bubba decides that he’s going to take advantage of his time at camp with all the long hot nights and start himself a summer romance. Word got back to me that he wanted me to meet him at the boat dock one evening after dark. Presumably to set the mood for our first kiss. I made up my mind that I wasn’t going. I thought that would be a pretty good signal that I wasn’t interested. All my friends kept pushing me though, telling me to at least meet him. I didn’t want to go, but peer pressure got the best of me. I was in the process of trying to think of any excuse I could to not meet him when suddenly, I had an idea…
I met Bubba at the appointed time and humor him with a few minutes of small talk. Make him think that I am interested. It takes awhile but he finally gets the courage to try and kiss me. He closes his eyes and moves in when “WHAM” I push that sucker right off the dock.
Now I see you, sitting there reading this and just chuckling to yourself. Imagining the splash of the water and the surprise look on his face. But that’s not how it goes down. Oh no, there is no actual water under the dock. It’s dry and instead of a splash there is a thud, and a quiet groan. I lean over the dock to where the ball of dust is rising from the impact and I tell Bubba from now on he better leave me alone. Shockingly he doesn’t argue back and I go grinningly happily back to my cabin and get a great night’s sleep.
Thankfully Bubba doesn’t bother me again and somehow I also manage to not get into trouble. I guess Bubba didn’t really want anyone to know he got his ass handed to him by a girl. I spend the next few days happily not worrying about boys or their silly little games.
Then just a few days later “Jud” walks around the corner and for me its love at first sight. Sigh... Bring on the next victim….
