Time to get down to the real reason I started this blog. To talk about my dating life. More so, to let you know how BAD my dating life is, to help you to realize how GOOD your dating life has been and hopefully to make you laugh. First let me provide a disclaimer. The events you about to read about are real and the names will be changed to protect the stupid (i.e., me) There are several contributing factors leading to my bad dating life to consider before reading about these “dates”. I am a fat, poor, single parent. And oh yeah, I had (and probably will continue to have) really bad judgment.
So typical day at the office, going to the mailbox and I am stopped by a gentleman who looks at me and tells me I have the most beautiful smile he has ever seen. How can I not melt? I mean it’s not every day someone stops me in the middle of my oblivion and compliments me. He asks me if I am married/dating someone and I say “no”. I immediately want to kick myself. Why am I so honest? He’s not terrible. He’s dressed well, speaks well, just not really my type. But I’m a sucker for a compliment, so whatever. He proceeds to walk by my office every morning, coffee in hand and waves and smiles. Eventually he asks me “out”. Tells me he would love to cook me dinner. I accept. The night that he’s going to cook for me he tells me his car has broke down, his buddy is busy and would I mind coming to get him. So as I am on my way to get him I am of course cursing at myself saying “what the hell are you thinking?” He’s already sent me a text providing the ingredients to pick up so he can cook his “masterpiece “ and I’m just happy for a night that I don’t have to cook.
Dinner goes fairly well. The conversation is decent. Not the worst date I’ve ever had. (As you will find out in part 3 of this blog) He then tells me his friend is not able to come and get him and asks to spend the night, he doesn’t mind sleeping on the floor. It’s late so I agree. He’s a perfect gentleman, sleeps on the floor the whole night (which for some reason I feel horrible about) and is gone by the time I wake up. Second date, same pattern. Weird, right? Third date, well I guess he figured that I liked him at this point and instead of picking him up at the bus stop like I had been, asked me to pick him up at “the mission”
Shit. I’m dating a homeless guy. Now what?
I can’t just dump him because he’s homeless, and now I feel bad for him. So not only do I let him “stay” at my house but I actually start driving him to his job. AT 5:30 AM. We have time to talk in the car where he tells me about how “annoying” all his co-workers are and how he really just wants to be a dishwasher because no one bothers you. Now I’m disturbed. I’m no CEO, I’m not a doctor, nor a rocket scientist but certainly my ambition in life is not a minimum wage job where no one will acknowledge my existence as long as the silverware is clean.
This guys gotta go.
Luckily for me, I’m starting a new job (not as a dishwasher) where I won’t be able to take him to work anymore and conveniently stop taking his calls and PRAY that he doesn’t catch a bus and just show up. Eventually, he gets the hint and stops calling.
That should be where the story ends. Should. Down the road a few months he finds me on a FREE dating website, and tells me that I’m still his dream woman. I’m guessing it’s mostly because of the food and shelter thing, but I never respond to find out. Maybe that makes me a horrible person, but maybe, just maybe, this whole experience makes me better for the next one that comes along.
