You see all kinds of interesting people when you work in an office downtown. If your there long enough you start to get to know some of the locals. This can be a good thing when you want to find a rowdy bar, an awesome cheeseburger or a safe place to park your car.
For work, I used to park in a garage and there was always a cashier there on Friday nights that was really nice to me. I used to flirt here and there but sadly, he never asked me out. One Friday, the Weekday cashier was in the booth with Friday Night Guy and the testosterone was flowing. Weekday Guy suggested that Friday Night Guy wanted my number. Finally! So I happily handed it over, except Regular Guy called me. Whatever. I wasn’t dating anyone at the time and I thought maybe this would give Friday Night Guy the balls to ask me out too. So I set up a date with “Tim” and went out a few times. Boring, boring, boring. He had some obsession about the local cable company and the Rambo films and really didn’t talk about much else. Maybe it was the fumes from the cars in the garage, but he always paid for everything so I tolerated him.
My friends and I decided that we were all going to go try out a local family entertainment center and I was going to bring along Tim to introduce him to the “gang”. I was trying to describe him to my friends. I told them his personality was sort of a cross between Elmer Fudd and a Potato. He was then dubbed at that point by my friends and me “Elmer Spud” but my youngest daughter couldn’t remember that so it turned into “Elmo Potato” and it stuck.
He met my friends at dinner where he completely embarrassed me with his lack of table manners and his continuing ranting about the cable company. After the night was through my friends advised me that he reminded them of a serial killer. I decided he wasn’t that bad and wasn’t about to drop him just yet.
Our next date, we went and checked out a band. I had a GREAT time. Shocking. We had a few drinks, good music and good food. Well I guess all of this went to my head because I decided this was the night I was gonna take the next step. We went back to his place to do what people who date do, and reality came along to slap me in the face. It was the size of a thimble. FULLY ERECT. Now I’m not one to judge people on size but give me SOMETHING to work with. Thankfully, it ended quickly.
The next morning, after the alcoholic fog lifted, I realized that I had such a fun night with Elmo Potato because I didn’t actually have to talk to him. And clearly he wasn’t going to be worth the effort in other areas……. So it was time for me to end it, which was awkward because I had to drive past him twice a day, four days a week. I stopped taking his calls and started to speed by him on my way in and out of the garage. Thankfully he still had Rambo and the cable company to comfort him.
I don’t know if he ever talked about our dates with Friday Night Guy, but he never did ask me out. I guess this is a good thing though because finding a parking spot downtown on a Friday night is tough enough all on its own.
